Frozen
by yesliterally
Summary: Alex realizes that he can't handle Izzie's illness on his own. Missing scenes from the episode "Sweet Surrender".


**FROZEN**

_This fic takes place during the episode "Sweet Surrender." It's a scene between Izzie and Alex that I felt happened, but we just didn't see it. It's in the same vein as my fic "Breathe Forever"which should have been a part of the episode "Stand by Me."_

_I hope you enjoy! I love reviews!_

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O'Malley. Hunt had chosen O'Malley to go into the OR, because he froze. It was history repeating itself. Once again he was back in that elevator with the heart patient and he froze. Back then it was a combination of failing his boards and disappointing Izzie and inexperience that led him to his frozen state. Izzie was again a part of the equation, this time front and center.

Alex had tried to focus on his work. But his mind kept drifting back up the the Oncology wing. He couldn't stop thinking about what he had seen that morning while Izzie was getting her treatment. He wasn't about to let her go through that alone, but what he saw in that room scared the hell out of him. Izzie looked so different than those people. They were frail and aged. She was still young-looking and beautiful. He wasn't kidding himself. He knew the toll that the treatments could take on her physical appearance. But that didn't matter to him.

The halls seemed endless as he made his way across the hospital. He wouldn't tell her about the yelling match he'd just had with George in the ambulance bay. She was in such good spirits that he knew that he wouldn't be able to bring himself to vent to her about her best friend. It was a topic that they avoided at all costs, and now certainly wasn't the time to break that unspoken rule.

As he turned the corner, he noticed commotion coming from Izzie's room. "What the hell happened?" The last thing that Alex expected to see when he walked inside the room was a handful of doctors and nurses buzzing around her bed. Panic set in as he waited for someone to answer his question.

Cristina moved in front of him and began to explain. "She collapsed. Her BP dropped, but we got it back up. I was just about to page you. She's okay, Alex." He looked over her shoulder at a shell of the woman he had brought a cheeseburger to mere hours before. Her skin was ashen and her eyes were closed. She was shivering despite the layers of blankets that had been placed over her. Cristina must have seen the panic on his face. "She's okay," she repeated.

He moved past her and sat down on a stool next to the bed. The nurses, satisfied with Izzie's stabilized stats had left, engulfing the room in an eerie silence. He grabbed her hand underneath the blanket and gently brushed his thumb back and forth against her palm. He failed to notice when Cristina exited the room and shut the door behind her.

A few minutes later, Alex watched Izzie's eyes blink open. She looked around, slightly confused. "Hey," he said, leaning toward her. "Welcome back." Moving his free hand to her face, he stroked her cheek softly.

"What happened?" she asked, voice quivering slightly.

"Your blood pressure dropped. You passed out."

"I'm sorry." Tears formed and she had no strength to hold them in.

"Iz, you have nothing to be sorry about. You just underwent high-dose chemo. Don't apologize for your body reacting badly."

"I wanted to not be sick. I wanted to focus on Mere's wedding and the dresses and everything. I didn't want anyone to worry."

He had no idea how to deal with this. This wasn't the same fearless Izzie who had told him off in the locker room after he hung the pictures of her in her underwear all over the hospital. This wasn't the Izzie who fought for her patients. This Izzie was weak and scared. He knew that she was unaccustomed to this, to being unable to deal with situations on her own. "Don't worry about us, Iz. You focus on you. The more you focus on you the faster you'll beat this thing and the faster we can get on with our lives."

"It hurts, Alex. It hurts so bad." Without thought, he climbed up into the bed with her and, careful to avoid all of her wires, held her as she sobbed and shivered into his chest. They stayed like that for a while and gradually her cries stopped.

She had fallen asleep again, he could tell by the pattern of her breathing. Usually he loved the sound of her slow deep breaths coming in a rhythmic pattern that often times were the lullabies that brought him to slumber. But now, he was afraid to sleep himself. That fear that something might happen to her and he might miss it was enough to turn him into quite the insomniac. So he just held her while she rested.

Laying there, watching her, the enormity of what her body was going through hit him full force. He suddenly realized as he looked at her pale face how big this thing was. For a moment, it went through his mind to run. Because he knew he would screw this up. He would freeze just like he had in the ambulance bay.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened to reveal Meredith and Cristina. He held a finger up to his lips to signal that Izzie was sleeping.

"How's she doing?" Meredith asked in a whisper.

He looked up at the monitors. "Her stats are good. She stopped shivering, and she's been asleep for an hour. So okay, I guess."

Cristina moved to look at her chart, while Meredith sat in the chair next to him. "How are you?"

He looked the tiny woman in the eyes, and he knew that he couldn't hide anything from her. Somehow, she seemed to know him better than anyone else. They were the same in a lot of ways, so there was no hiding his fear from her. "I've been better."

A sympathetic smile appeared on Meredith's face and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you take a break. Take a walk. Go to Joe's. Go to the house for a while. We're off duty and I've got some more dresses to try on when she wakes up. You probably don't want to hang around for that."

A crooked smirk appeared on his face. "Not really. You sure?"

"We're sure," Cristina spoke up, giving him a sincere smile. He nodded and gently slipped off the bed. He placed a light kiss on the tip of Izzie's nose and moved toward the door.

"You'll page me if she needs anything?" He asked as he paused in the doorway.

"Absolutely. Go on, get out of here."

"I'll be back in a few hours." He closed the door softly behind him and rubbed his hands down his face. He hated to leave, but he knew that Mere had been right. He needed a break. He couldn't be there all the time. In that moment, he was grateful for friends like Meredith and Cristina. He knew that Izzie liked having them around and he knew that he needed their help to get through this, too.

There was a puzzle piece missing though. George hadn't been around. As much as he hated the guy, he knew that Izzie needed all of her friends around. George was pretty high up there on Izzie's friend list. But the other man had pretty much kept his distance, and Alex was pretty certain that the argument they'd had that afternoon wouldn't help matters.

As he changed, he knew he'd have to fix what he had done. For Izzie. For himself. He knew he couldn't handle this on his own. He needed them. He needed Meredith and Cristina and even George to get Izzie through this. He knew he would need to have them around to celebrate with them when she got better. Or if she didn't ... he'd need them more than he ever thought possible.

With a heavy sigh, he walked out of the hospital and over to Joe's. It didn't take him long to spot George sitting at the bar, looking deep in thought. Swallowing what what left of his pride, Alex walked up and sat down next to him.

"You kicked ass today, O'Malley."


End file.
